STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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