Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Randomize
