I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
