i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
