he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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