Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
