how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
