He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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