Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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