Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
