Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
