Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
