My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
