She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
