I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
