I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
