He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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