My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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