Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
