We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
