if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Couch. On fire.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
