cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
