Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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