I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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