Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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