Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
