All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
