It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
