Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Actions speak louder than pants.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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