You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
