Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
