Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
50% drunk capacity currently
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
