She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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