everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
