I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
