What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
