Barsexuality is the new black.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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