She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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