I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
