Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
