can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
