Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
