I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
