Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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