Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
