She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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