mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
