Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
