I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
