My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
