Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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