During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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