remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
