I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
