I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
