Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
